The Green Busker - Chapter Twelve

Things we must do (1st diary)
New Clear Winter (May, 1996)
Tortoise and Hare Guide
Tortoise 1
Death of Lone Wolf (Part 1)
Death of Lone Wolf (Part 2)
Monster in New York
Green Busker 7
Green Busker 9
Green Busker 11
Green Busker 12


I had resolved to buy Char a gift on our next meeting; such an impulse was a natural affirmation of the progression of my commitment. But I did not know what to buy with the minimal money in my possession. OK! I was not in need on a living expense level. But I was hardly endowed with disposable wealth either. To buy anything that could offer any semblance of meaning would be difficult with the two or three hundred franks I could muster as safely disposable.
There was clearly a situation for ingenuity if I hoped to fulfil my impulsive desire.
What could I give her that would not come across tacky or cheap?
More important - what could I give her that would excite her? Something that would take her into the clouds and make me feel I had reached her?
This seemed an impossible task.
With frustrated puzzlement I chewed on this dilemma while I sat in the Musiekdoos the night before my next meeting with Char.
Herman took the stage and began singing. He had such an incredible range on his voice. It was as pure as a lead choirboy. But he had an adult timbre to vary this with. He was a massive fan of John Denver and he played many Denver covers.
But on this night he played the Denver song 'Lady'......... and it took me away.
He had captured the essence of my 'fairy tale'. His golden voice portrays this song with such splendour... the world should hear him do this.
Herman once confided in me and claimed he had a problem showing emotion to his girlfriend. He even claimed he was incapable of feeling emotion.
But the truth lies in his rendition of 'Lady'. His soul transports itself onto the song automatically. He was automatically someone who loves. It was not something he had to feel.
It was him.
The tears he shed when when his relationship with Astrid came to an end were not because he had suddenly learnt how to feel.
The tears were him. Herman was only able to be sincere.
If we are all honest with ourselves we would have to admit that, in sincerity, we believe..... but, in between,with equal sincerity we doubt.
As Herman performed the song an idea sprang bright within me. After he had finished his set I approached him and I moved the conversation swiftly onto its purpose...
"Herman, if I gave you a couple of hundred francs - would you sing 'Lady' for me and my girl outside by the Schelde tomorrow evening?"
"It would be my pleasure to sing it for you. You do not need to pay me."
Roughly translated, culturally, in to Anglo Saxon understanding those words meant he would be delighted to give something he has an ability to give.But he would refuse payment because it would nullify the joy he felt in giving. I know this must be a hard concept for the typical US/UK mind to comprehend.
Herman and I arranged a signal for commencement of the riverside serenade the next night at a time I felt would be right for Char and I.
Char returned from her weekend away and when I called round she surprised me with a gift of 200 cigarettes. It made me very relieved I had arranged my own gift. Her gift was a unilateral expression of her love for me. My gift would be a unilateral expression of my love for her. The radar had made us co-incidentally inspired to symbolize love with a gift.
But she had yet to receive my gift. So she was unaware there would be one as I took her to the Musiekdoos for a drink. Once there, I spoke to Herman and the three of us strolled to the riverside, where Herman unpacked his guitar, while Char and I sat on a bench. Char was a shade confused about what was going on. She wondered why we had gone to the riverside with.....
Herman began to play his guitar....."I didn't know you would buy me those cigarettes, Char,"  said I, " but here is the gift I wish to give to you."....and the sweet tones of his guitar seemed to soften the evening air as the city drifted into the borders of a magical world where fairy tales are
real. The distant cacophony of city noise seemed to blend with the notes into a benevolent backdrop of sound - a sound that receded from awareness as if by magic, while Herman weaved the mood....
'Lady?.....Are you Crying?
Do the tears belong to me?
Did you think our time together.... was all done
Char melted. "Ooh la la!" she exclaimed. She moved to nestle herself on my lap and then she kissed me... long and Herman continued the serenade with perfect delivery...'ve been dreaming - I'm as close as I can be 
 And I swear to you our time has just begun
Close you eyes and rest your weary eyes       
 It is quite possible that this was the most romantic moment I had ever experienced.
I promise I will stay right here beside you      
It could be said this was the only true Valentino action I have ever done.
Today our lives were joined, became entwined  -
I have often been romantic, but with any other girl it would seem corny taking it to this extent.
I wish that you could know how much I love you
But for Char it was natural and appropriate, because our love was based on the intensity of soul and, at that time, the mind had little to do with things.
Lady? Are you happy?
Do you feel the way I do?
Are there meanings that you've never seen before?
What the mind DID know was of vital importance, because I knew that Char needed to know she was loved - beyond any action, or lack of it, that may mark the foreseeable future.
Lady? My sweet lady?
I just can't believe it's true
And it's like I've never, ever loved before
No matter how she may view herself Char has a purity in her soul that only one other person in my life could match.... my mother.
Close your eyes and rest your weary mind    
Char bore the ambience of an imperilled daughter and just as strongly....
I promise I will stay right here beside you     
...the ambience of my mother's soul engraven into a different life, yet maintaining...
Today our lives were joined, became entwined
...that same selfless spirit.
I wish that you could know how much I love you 
For Char, it could represent liability, so she shielded this vulnerability with an outer veneer of
cynicism and the re-assurance that she could deem herself callous.
Lady? Are you crying?                                    
Char was a cat.
Do the tears belong to me?                             
 She wanted love, but she also wanted someone she could scratch.
Did you think our time together was all gone  Purr and scratch.
My mind had been able to conclude this much.
Lady, my sweet lady                                        
 Herman sang and Char could purr, while I steeped myself in the magic these two cast upon my life.
I'm as close as I can be                                    
 But what made this event magic was the sheer improbability that Char and I could last the test of time.
And I swear to you...our time..has just begun
All that could be said was that it had got this far and we were both intent on it going further.
Hence the symbolic gifts to signify this determination.
The back of my head was propped by Char's breast as I lay sandwiched between her legs with my hands peacefully rested on her twin tower knees.
We were relaxed and happy in the Conscience. Char lightly caressed me as she laughed and joked with two of her friends, Bart and Andre. It was fine that they spoke in Flemish. It left me free to to drink the full richness of her physical presence.
Two young guys came to speak with Bart and though it was in Flemish it seemed as though they were moderately arguing over something. Suddenly one of the guys aimed a karate style side kick at Bart and Bart was pulled up and attacked further by the duo.
This surprised me.
In confusion I looked at Andre, but he seemed equally surprised and too nervous to intervene on behalf of his friend. Char was instantly upset by the attack, so as Bart was one of her friends it seemed it would be down to me to break up the fight. I got up, which made Char even more upset, but something had to be done.
I did not know what it was all about so I had no anger to unload, but there was clearly a leader and the led about the assailants. Mr Leader had done the talking and he had launched the attack. So I concentrated on Mr Led. I walked to the fracas and put my arm on the shoulder of Mr Led. I turned him round and said,"Hey!"
Mr Led backed off, saying, "I'm Sorry! Don't hit me!"
I retorted, "Don't you think two on one is a little unfair?"
But it was evident he was harmless so I turned my back on him and concentrated on Mr Leader and Bart as they fought on, "Hey, you guys! Calm down and talk if you got a problem!"
I approached them, but Mr Leader broke off the scuffle and retreated out of the square after re-joining Mr Led. Bart was grateful for my aid, but I had only sought to keep the peace.
Char was near hysterical, "It's my fault! It's my fault!"
Then she was angry and arguing heatedly with Bart and Andre.
Then she seemed to be angry with me.
The melee meandered around a corner with Flemish suddenly proving itself as a severe communication barrier. When I tried to hold Char she agitatingly pulled herself away from me.
What had I done wrong?
Nonetheless it was evident Char was so awash with anger and panic to be in need of assertive calming.  I forcefully grabbed both her wrists and shouted into her face, "Char! What's wrong? What's happening?"
Suddenly her face changed into a curious mixture of relief and realization, "Of course!" she said, "I forgot! You can't understand Flemish."
"Char, you know I can't!"
"Ah yes...but it was my fault...and I would have died if you had got hurt. I never thought you would be in danger...because of me."
Quite possibly something clicked inside of her see someone she loved in a position of potential danger. She had to take a good look at her life and see what could be changed. Mr leader and Mr Led were hardly likely to be the consideration of danger that Char perused.
It was the drug 'mafia' that she would need to consider.
End of Chapter Twelve of The Green Busker

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THE GREEN BUSKER is an intro to a busker journal that began its actual life on Jan 17th, 1996. The journal consists of almost 60 books of relative size to this book. Each book tends to herald a change in the outer and inner circumstances of Brian.
Ascension onto the fifth level of belief has left me alone with distinct impressions of life and the universe that can not easily be explained, nor shared. But if you can understand that time does not exist, except as a measurement of temperature. If you can look at ice, the sea, air, gas and flame and understand that each form represents 'time' moving at a certain speed. If you can understand that size will bring its own local 'time' conditions. If you understand what I'm getting at, then maybe you will understand why Brian wants to share this journal.  The journal does not give you the answers; it gives you the questions in a personal way.
Recently I read a news report that scientists had claimed that volcanos on the planet Titan were spewing ice. Equally, there seems evidence that Triton may be prone to 'ice volcanoes'.
If this is true, it would directly confirm my theory about temperature and life.
Triton, with a thick atmosphere and a mean temperature of -178C is a planet where methane and propane would be liquid. My personal view on time and temperature would predict that life on Triton is possible, but its coldness and resultant molecular slowdown would mean that that life would not be percieved easily by us as life because it will move at glacial style speed.
In turn, a Triton life form would probably not perceive a human as anything other than an extremely brief concentrate of peculiar gases. In fact, we might even appear to them as fire (flames).
Take this onto this planet and envision slow (glacier), becoming faster (water), becoming faster (vapour), becoming faster (gas), becoming faster (fire) - and movement from one form to another represents change (death). A life form seems reliant on a narrow band of temperature (time velocity) internally. To slow down or speed up beyond this would mean metabolism breakdown.
When we see fire, we see time speeded up to a velocity that is faster than the velocity at which our bodies can maintain their shape, function and viscosity (stickiness).
The tenacious qualities of H2o allows life on earth to experience, and survive, a wide range of time velocities.
But given the idea that life can move faster and slower than us beyond easy (or possible) perception, take another look at planet Earth and wonder how much more life (not as we know it) there actually IS right in front of our noses.


Labyrinth Busker Journal - Brian Robert Pearce