WE MUST DO
IS 17/01/96 AND FOLLOWING
MONTHS OF EMOTIONAL UPHEAVAL I DECIDE IT
MAY BE INTERESTING TO START KEEPING A DIARY ON MY LIFE AND THOUGHTS. SO
BEGAN THE LABYRINTH BUSKER JOURNAL - HANDWRITTEN, WHILE BUSKING,
TRAVELLING, LOVING, SURVIVING IN SEVERAL COUNTRIES.
THE JOURNAL IS AROUND 750,000 WORDS LONG AND REACHED THE END OF ITS LIFE WITH MY RETURN TO ENGLAND AND THE CHANCE OF SEEING MY DAUGHTER REGULARLY.
with thought provoking
articles on busking, philosophy, the universe.
Whole books from a busking diary written while busking Europe in the last years of the last millenium.
Glimpses of a 750,000 word diary that could radically alter your view on life, love and the soul.
|As the diary progressed it
became ever more attuned to the motivations of Heart, Mind, Body and Soul with
their relevance and interaction gradually dissected amongst those who
came my way. People who shared love or any of love's by-products
(including hate) form the spine of the work, but the diary is forever
moving forward at a rapid or gradual pace.
Images or food
Prose and poems
Diary snippets Antwerp,1996
Buskers Good and True
Some fine buskers I've met along the way
Brian Songs for Rachel
Motivation behind some of my songs
A collection of bite size stories and articles
Pick a song and listen on your default player
Labyrinth Busker top Ten
Which pages are hot on www.buskerbrian.com
Things we must do
Antwerp, January '96 - Complete book from diary
Amusement and fracas on a night out in Rome
Belief, Heaven and Zolar
Exploring the need to believe
Tale of Uptown Suzy
Highly charged emotions dominate this event in 1995
The Societies within me
Are you one consciousness, or a vessel for many?
The Missing Link
The Human invasion of Earth
Cranky Brian shoots a theory or two on the universe
Gender Role reversal
No one is 100% male or female. Cue the Heartbreaker.
The Green Busker
It is Spring, 1994 and an inexperienced "busker" takes a ferry to Belgium.
My grandfather was a lighthouseman and farmer in Iceland
Cue the Heartbreaker.
A list of some pages on my sites that may be of interest
Know what you're looking for? Search my site.
Jesus? Celtic or Rangers?
My busking pitch is interrupted by religious zealots promising the "good life".
Lyrics from some of my songs
New Clear Winter
May, 1996, and this diary book heralds a calm before the storm of fascinating experiences that would make the remainder of 1996 so special.
Plato and Socrates debate Beauty
An imaginary debate between plato and Socrates on Beauty.
Hurricane Rita, Asperger's, Bob Dylan
A look at the boxes we use to define mental illness, mild autism and suchlike. Could it be that we are not normal?
Soulmate: A five minute Play
A woman is faced with seeking to isolate one advisor within her. Heart, mind, soul and body present their case in this short Play.
The Tortoise and the Hare (Rabbit)
Two months on from "New Clear Winter" and the busker has aided "Arthur" to lift the sword from the stone. It is time for more adventure in Luzern, Bern and Gstaad.
Home is emotional fulfillment
The main title for the Tortoise and Hare book.
Time is Temperature. They are one and the same, and everything that is, was, and will be, follows a set sequence. This sequence can be defined as "explosion".
Enjoy a few short videos. Show lasts half an hour or so.
|There's always something more to
find with the Labyrinth Busker journal
we must do - Chapter Three
...in which the question is asked: Am I a Muse?
19/01/96 - Fri - Antwerp - Gerhard is speaking of a three way thing here - where we all put our ideas and expression into the songs. This could be a very powerful thing indeed, given my songwriting, Gerhard's innovative genius and Sven's sharp musicianship.
The other option, as Gerhard states, is to find musicians to back me who would probably be workhorses with no great feel for what's being done. The chief advantage of this, of course, would be that my songs remain essentially mine and how I would imagine and feel they should sound.
But...no input leads to stagnation. 3 minds, with 3 different spheres of talent, must surely come up with highly original sounds and ideas. Yes...it would be good - and yes...it should be tried, but two of the three are 'family'. Ruana and I worked together musically last Spring and early Summer - we've done nothing since, much as I have wanted to.
That Gerhard and I will work together musically looks highly likely, but like the Flemish/English thing...should it be rushed and hurried?
WE WENT TOO FAST AND THEN WE WENT TOO SLOW
THAT'S NOT THE WAY TO FIND OUT WHO WE ARE
AND SO WE NEVER GOT TO TRAVEL FAR Pastures of Indifference: B.Pearce
It seems some of this may be coming from Tom or Stef or their management.Gerhard and Sven seem to be attracting their attention recently.
Well, that they are both talented musicians is hard to deny. Gerhard, of course, underestimates himself considerably, in my opinion. I suppose, to ease him into realising that, it would be handy to be working musically with him.
But it would take time to integrate our styles. It would not be clever to go out as a support act in front of a thousand people with a half-baked set. So what is the time structure for this project?
Personally, I don't like to talk myself up but I'm in a situation where modesty could be damaging. So looking at my songwriting...I firmly believe in my songs and I know the general public's re-action. There is a market for what I do. What holds me back is lack of money or any professional back up.
I don't know what Tom, Stef, their management, or anyone else thinks of what I'm doing. I do know that Tom stood up to shake my hand down the 'Doos a few nights ago and that Stef has been looking and acting strangely toward me...as though there is something he wants from me. I don't know their management at all - or who runs it....but, frankly, it is their loss if they choose to ignore me.
Europe is a large continent. I will find someone to support me somewhere...and if I succeed - and I think I will - my songs will translate into real money. Musickness is a business. My songwriting is a business in that it keeps me alive. Could I turn out to be the one they missed? The one that got away with a song that could have breached the UK/US market bigtime?
So...the text, the melody, the voice, but shame about the guitar. Well, if I do make it and I'm able to concentrate on finding and promoting new talent...I would not hesitate in bringing in someone with good text, good melody and distinctive voice.
And so it goes...with Ruana, Char and Gerhard...in various ways have we agreed or spoken on projects or things we must do...And so it goes....
20/01/96 - Sat - I suppose if this is to develop into a diary then life must be pretty boring right now - because all I do is analyse and philosophise.Another dull day yesterday.The 'Doos was empty. The Cathedral pitch was cold, but going well. Milligan was booked in after me and I never really felt in the mood to return to the pitch later. Too cold.
I went to the Hopfast to see Kevin and Sven play. Gerhard was there with three of the 'Doos crowd. Mainly, conversation was in Flemish...and from what I could understand, not greatly interesting...so I left.
So...what to do for creativity? Everything is so stagnant.
Char has not materialised, but then she may have called when I was out. It wouldn't surprise me, however, to find her sinking into the same old rut with Bennie. Well..I suppose there will be a 'honeymoon' period first, but then things will very quickly re-balance to where they were before.
I think travel is still in Char's blood. She enjoyed her excursions south last year - and I was pleased to hear she had been creative on them. So, with Ruana not about much until June, maybe Char was fishing when she said to me,
"I don't want to go to Switzerland on my own."
I replied, without hesitation, that I would go with her and that she can be sure of that.
But...what to do for creativity?
Well...one thing I think may be true about the 'family' is that we are all 'Muses'. I have no way of knowing this for sure about Gerhard or Ophelia, but I think Gerhard may spur many a female to find their pen. That Char and Ruana are muses is self evident.
That I am would not be quite so obvious from my viewpoint.
Judy once said to me, "I've written pages and pages of stuff about you, but I shan't show you them, because you will probably get swell-headed."
Char has written much on me...that is certain.
Who am I?
I am invisible most of the time, then highly visible, but erratic in thought and actions....never really knowing my own mind and therefore, generally relegating my personality before someone who does know their own mind. So people rarely see the real me. I rarely see the real me. My perception of myself is distorted.
So, if Char and Ruana are both unusable as muses, why not use ME (another muse) for inspiration?
Thus, I looked at myself today and wrote:
YOU SAY YOU WANT TO BE LOVED
BUT YOU DON'T SAY HOW
YOU SAY YOU'RE SEARCHING FOR FRIENDS
BUT HIDE AWAY NOW
YOU RUN FROM A SMILE LIKE YOU RUN FROM YOURSELF
YOUR WORTH IS FORGOTTEN AND PLACED ON A SHELF
YOU SWIM IN SELF PITY 'TILL YOU SINK LIKE A STONE
JUST TO DROWN IN A LAKE THAT YOU MADE ON YOUR OWN
AND NO RESCUE CAN STOP YOU FROM FEELING ALONE
NO ONE OWES YOU ANYTHING SO NO ONE REALLY CARES
SO YOU DRIFT THROUGH LIFE LIKE A BUTTERFLY
HAVING SWEET, BUT BRIEF AFFAIRS
YOU SEARCH THE PATHS OF NOWHERE
THEN COMPLAIN THEY NEVER END
BUT YOUR BACK IS TURNED TO WHAT YOU NEED
AND THAT IS LOVE AND FAITH AND FRIENDS
Whew!!! How depressing!!! Even if it is turned into the third person.
Where is the light and shade?
Where is the subtle mix of optimism and pessimism?
Where is the positive amongst such negativity?
But then...what DO I say when I'm talking about myself?
YOU'RE WONDERFUL! YOU'RE GREAT!
AND I'LL LOVE YOU FOREVER?
It's only a first try, but if the second try is just as dismal I would do well to seek more fruitful avenues.
OK, the text will do for one song, but I wouldn't want a whole string of songs like that. The key to what my songs say is related more to compassion than to emotion. I find it hard to be compassionate with myself, but...I suppose...it does reveal something of myself. It tells me how much I hate myself...how little I love myself...and how low my will to live and fight on has sunk.
But...to every negative angle there must be a positive one.
Let's reverse the meanings and see:
I'm not ready for a relationship just yet because I have a lack of confidence, which will pass when the time and mood is right. Gerhard aside, there is no one who specifically stimulates my mind directly at this time...that also will pass. My broken tooth is a physical block to my confidence and a major source of my withdrawal of energies. I can do nothing immediately about that, but soon...maybe.
Self pity is not a bad thing, because it shows care for yourself a bit and that you are capable of directing that feeling outward in empathy with others.To know how you suffer can mean...to the astute...that you'll understand how others suffer.But, having accused myself of self pity in the song, I confirm it by distorting reality in a negative way with the following lines...some of which are simply not true.
Just as well really - it is best I can't believe it. If it turns out a song I can imagine it's me berating someone else.
Meanwhile, it is bitterly cold and yesterday was not pleasant for busking. I stayed in most of the day and was rewarded with the writing of TWO new songs. In one day...that's not bad.The first was putting music to my second text concocted in Switzerland: 'Will you sleep with me tonight' - inspired by my casual affair with the German girl I met there.
The second one ( and don't laugh) was putting music to the words I had just come up with yesterday. Well, despite my criticisms, it seems after all to be productive. It was very early in the morning that I composed the song, but to be sure of remembering it I taped it on the cassette recorder by Gerhard's bed. Placing the sheet of music with the words on Gerhard's mattress I sang the song and afterwards listened to it and concluded it might be a good song.
I then went to bed. It was 6 or 7 in the morning.
COMPLETE ONLINE DIARY SEGMENTS:
Want something to read for an hour or two?
Then the life and loves of a busker can take you into his world for awhile. Reliant entirely on his music and what he can earn from it in bars, on terraces and the street (plus the mutual aid and faith of his friends), he colours his inner and outer worlds with layers of purpose and belief that stretch from real, felt, imaginary to flights of fancy.
What actually is real, felt, imaginary or a flight of fancy can often surprise him as well as those who line his path.
The busker monitors his path as Lone Wolf in the spirit world of the Soul as love and relationship quandaries abound in an historic Swiss city.
With close to zero busking experience, a man sallies forth from Britain with an idea of busking to survive. He had a one way ticket, no money and a massive well of despair.
Tortoise & Hare
New Clear Winter
Monster in NY
Things we must do
Other sites presented by the Labyrinth Busker journal:
audio.buskerbrian.com My songs with lyrics
free.buskerbrian.com About me
home.buskerbrian.com Loads of articles, stories and titbits
apachejohn.buskerbrian.com Bishop's Stortford based band
leddrain.buskerbrian.com Swiss based singer/songwriter
wolf.buskerbrian.com Busking adventures in Bern
wildwolf.buskerbrian.com Part Two: Busking adventures in Bern
moon.buskerbrian.com My music, plus featured acts. plus colour
as.buskerbrian.com Asperger's Syndrome
pearce.buskerbrian.com Family Photos over 100 years
Iceland Genealogy Family ancestry over 1,000 years
Pearce Genealogy British ancestry (Hornchurch. Rickling Green)
Cranky Brian "History of time" Provoking ideas in philosophy and science
My space Become a friend
Contact me Just that
Online Diary Podcasts
|COMPLETE ONLINE DIARY
Tortoise & Hare
New Clear Winter
Monster in NY
Things we must do